Pièce de Résistance

In a world filled with negativity, one source of joy for me is witnessing an uplifting trend: an increasing number of women using their platforms to advocate for causes close to their hearts. This movement not only signifies the rise of women finding their voices and expressing their truths, but it also grants us, as their audience, access to a wealth of diverse perspectives and information. Influential figures like Huda Kattan and Dr. Sheila Nazarian are actively shedding light on the complexities of the Palestinian and Israeli conflict, sharing their personal experiences and perspectives. Additionally, remarkable women such as Krystiana Tiana, Chrissy Teigen, and Jessie James Decker fearlessly unveil the unglamorous yet authentic side of motherhood and postpartum struggles.

I recently came across another remarkable woman who is using her platform to inspire others: psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs. There was a quote that caught my attention and has stayed with me for the past few days. It said, "Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman." As I reflect on my own childhood, I realize that the women in my life were always on the go, never taking a moment to sit still. And if I'm honest with myself, I have fallen into the same pattern.

Right now, I should be sleeping. I've been telling myself for over a year that I need more rest. Yet, if you were to check my browser history, you would find me awake, searching for vegan recipes, reading Bible scriptures, and looking up hairstyles for my daughter Kylee. Have you ever looked at someone and wondered, "How do they manage to do it all and do it so well?" Their hair is perfectly styled, their children are dressed impeccably, their car is spotless, and everyone seems content. One thing I've learned, which has saved me from countless headaches and emotional breakdowns, is that it's nearly impossible to do it all and completely impossible to be perfect all the time (unless you have some help). I now understand that constantly sacrificing sleep and neglecting self-care in pursuit of perfection benefits no one, especially not me.

There is so much that goes into creating magic. And by magic, I don't mean anything related to sex. I'm referring to the effort that goes into organizing a birthday party, planning Halloween costumes, executing a flawlessly organized road trip, or even just a regular trip to the grocery store. The behind-the-scenes work, when it all comes together seamlessly, feels natural and fulfilling. In my family, the women were always busy, especially during events like birthday parties, holidays, funerals, and family reunions. They were always on their feet, serving food, washing dishes, decorating, checking the oven, and making drinks (not that I'm complaining). And let's not forget about the Saturday night before Easter Sunday or the night before Thanksgiving. Those were all-night marathons of cooking, hairstyling, and ironing.

I idolized them. As a young girl, I believed that this was the standard I should aspire to. After all, it was all I knew. A life filled with party planning and spending hours under a hairdryer seemed like the ideal life. Even today, I find myself rushing around, trying to fit everything in. Add the pressure of having perfect hair, flawless makeup, and a stylish outfit, all while trying not to break a sweat in the Texas heat, and you might just find me passed out somewhere, wondering how it all happened because I forgot to eat.

Striving to emulate and achieve this idea of perfection leaves little time for relaxation. I may not have a van full of kids or run a company, but burnout can happen to anyone. Some small life hacks that have made my life easier include using the Drive-up or Pickup options, depending on whether you're Team Target or Walmart. Then there's the Auto-Replinish at Sephora and Subscribe and Save on Amazon. There are many small things we can do to lighten our mental load. Life is more convenient now compared to the lives of our mothers and grandmothers. However, I often find myself filling up this newfound time with more tasks and obligations.

What does this tell us about the role of women in society? What does it say about the roles we assume as women? What memories will my daughter have of me when she reaches my age? Will she say her mother was relaxed? And how does one even relax? One way I've discovered to reduce anxiety attacks is by saying "no" more often. It may feel like we're shutting ourselves off from opportunities or experiences, especially for those of us who are people pleasers. But saying no can be incredibly beneficial. Think about how you feel when you're multitasking and someone asks you a question. Are you able to give them your undivided attention? Probably not. Now compare that to how you feel when you finally get to sit down and do something you wish you could do more often, like reading a book in peace. Don't you deserve undivided attention from yourself? Of course, you do. Saying no allows you to prioritize yourself.

Other important steps you can take include asking for help and giving yourself more grace. I've learned the hard way that life is short. It's okay if you haven't cleaned the shower this week. It's okay if you buy cookies from the store and claim you made them from scratch. Who's going to know?

What's not okay is being so busy that you don't have time to take a shower or enjoy those cookies with your loved ones. While our loved ones are here with us on this earth, we should prioritize making memories and living in the present moment with them. Instead of being consumed by the pursuit of perfection or trying to save the world, we should focus on cherishing the time we have with our loved ones. So, go ahead and order takeout, use some dry shampoo, and put your feet up. You deserve to relax because you are already worthy and loved. You do so much and have the biggest heart.

It's time to redefine the roles we assume as women in society. We don't have to constantly be on the go, juggling a million tasks and striving for an unattainable standard of perfection. We can choose to prioritize our well-being, say no when necessary, and ask for help when needed. By doing so, we create space for ourselves to breathe, to relax, and to truly enjoy the moments that matter. This allows us to be our better selves.

As I think about the memories my daughter will have of me when she's my age, I want her to remember a mother who was present, who took the time to nurture herself, and who embraced imperfection. I want her to see that it's okay to say no, to ask for help, and to prioritize her own well-being. I want her to know that she doesn't have to exhaust herself trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

So, let's break free from the cycle of busyness and perfectionism. Let's give ourselves permission to relax, to take care of ourselves, and to create meaningful memories with our loved ones. We are queens, deserving of rest, love, and joy. And by embracing our own well-being, we inspire others to do the same.

Some books I have read that have helped me with time management, giving myself more grace, and saying no to things that do not add to my life:

Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley

Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty

Profiles of those I mentioned (in order):

@huda

@drsheilanazarian

@Krystianatiana

@chrissyteigen

@jessiejamesdecker

@nicolajanehobbs

@emilyley

@jayshetty